Marie

"love what you love"-vincent van gogh

Thu, 02 Jun 2005 02:28:53 GMT

my name is marie.

(i feel acquainted to you as an old friend, dear journal.
perhaps you don't know me anymore.)

if i were a disney character, i would be snow white.
i would like to be as innocent as snow white is innocent.
i, too, would find comfort in seven little loving men.
(i would cook them chocolate cake. i would enjoy their working whistles.)
i, too, would trust the old lady in the forest.
(i would be hopeful in helping her. i like apples.)

i am snow white.

i have long coffee black hair, streams pouring down. Cream skin.

i have a love of almost three years. of togetherness.
but we have loved for four.

___he is a spirited chap. he makes me laugh. he is an artist.
___his eyes are my favorite color of green. almost avocado.
___there is a dent in his arm where my head fits. it is from all the hugs.
___i absolutely love him.

i have a best girl friend from college.
i have known her for less than a year.

______she is a french girl. aurore. named after sleeping beauty.
______she bats honey eyes. she has peach cheeks. she wants pink hair.
______her absolute love is anakin, whom i do not know.

we jumped fully clothed into a lake together.

there are others too. they are not forgotten, just not described.

bob dylan is my ultimate inspiration.
rod stewart. tom waits. the white stripes.
others.
john prine. mindy smith.

i love life.
i hope it is full of
passion happiness love peace moments forgiveness laughter spontaneity art joy
life

i have gypsy passion.
a lot of days with potential for joy.
a lot of love to give.

my deadly sins are gluttony and vanity.
they push each others buttons.
like two forces working against each other.
(to me, vanity is a desire to be accepted as good.)
(to me, gluttony is a desire, not necessarily fulfilled, to gorge oneself on chocolate cake, ice cream or other)

(i am fully aware that this entry is pointless.
i am also aware that livejournal dwindles.
but i persist. i need to post to feel reconnected.)

i love the color white. i love it for being pure.
i love the colors black / avocado green / magenta / grape / turquoise. i love them for being intense, passionate.

(i am also aware that the entry is inward looking. self-absorbed seemingly, perhaps.
but it is my journal and i do not feel comfortable in telling other people's stories.
but that is part of mine.)

alas.
i have nothing else at the moment that is begging to be said.

-marie.

ode to my boy

Wed, 09 Feb 2005 05:30:51 GMT

next monday i'm gonna have the valentine's day blues.
the weekend is gonna have to be our heart-day.

ode to my boy.

i miss my boy.

i miss everyday.
lockertime.
jibberish on the phone while i fall asleep.
one hour meetings at mcdonald's for a sweet tea and cuddles.
knowing that our phonelines are touching. (without cell signals)
only having a ten minute drive.

knowing i can see him at any second if i really need to.
hoping i'll run into him out in pennington.
hoping at the dollar store he will see my car and come inside.

playing pool for a couple of hours at the bowling alley.
goodnight kisses on the front porch.
talking walks to the graveyard.

meeting me after school before he goes to work.
watching for him out the creative writing window.
running to the parking lot.

riding in the truck.
going on vica trips.
lee tv class.
painting pictures together.

getting ice cream.

seeing him every other day at least.
having special, middle-of-the-week after-school events.
like celebrating bob dylan's birthday on a thursday.

riding the bus to his house.

having mutual friends.
being like peanut butter and jelly.
(i'm jelly because i'm sappier and sweet--he's peanut butter because he's yummy.)
neither sandwich is as good without the other.

i feel like a jelly sandwich. i'm gonna make the bread soggy.
he is a peanut butter sandwich. it's a sticky situation.

being a bigger part.
being everyday.

i miss my boy.

this will be our third valentine's day.
monday.

absense, i suppose, can fan the fire.
i sure do love that boy.
my boy.

Yet another game...

Wed, 02 Feb 2005 04:26:15 GMT

Kristi posted this in her journal, I responded, and now I am just passing it on:

if you read this,
even if i don't speak to you often,
post a memory of me.
it can be anything you want, it can be good or bad
just so long as it happened.
then,post this to your journal. see what people remember about you.

Mon, 31 Jan 2005 05:16:54 GMT

I am:

aardvarkateer
big-eyed
color coordinated, compulsive eater
dirty streetwalking hooker
eternal sunshine of the spotless mind (i like it)
freckle-less
giggly little girl
honest-er than abe.
innocent
just exactly like the girl from garden state (i do not believe this completely but he swears it is true true true.)
keaton's kinky kook(do you believe me?)
lively
marie
not everything that I appear to be and some things that I appear not to be.
optimistic
painter
quirky
random
self-concious
turbulent
unbalanced
vunerable
wobbly
xoxo (full of them)
yummy
zainy zoooooooomer

now i know my a b c 's.

Now you should play with me. Do your a b c's---pleeeeaaase?

Mon, 31 Jan 2005 02:44:23 GMT

White Cheddar rice cakes are oh-so-binge-worthy.

Yum.

feeling random and happy

Sat, 29 Jan 2005 05:24:07 GMT

My heart is a big ole' cup of hot chocolate and you're all welcome to a sip.

Tonight I am at home, feeling peaceful, feeling happy.

Listening to Rod Stewart. Wow.
He will never be to me what Bob is. But, nevertheless, wow.

I am hungry. What have I eaten today? Pizza, popcorn, and almonds. Lots of almonds. Delish.

O- - - - - - - - - - - - - -O

I have a few questions for anyone who wants to offer insight: (Geez, I feel so random tonight)

1. Who do you enjoy more, Rod Stewart or Bob Dylan?

2. Have you ever been in a store or unfamiliar place, caught a glimpse of yourself, and jumped out of your skin because you thought there was a person (who looks alarmingly like yourself) standing nearby or suddenly appearing?

3. If you were forced to either shave your hair or your eyebrows forever, which would your sacrifice?

O- - - - - - - - - - - - - -O

Once I had a fish named Seaman. As in, a sailor. A fish sailor. He died.
All my fish die.

Hello. I know I vanished for a million years but PLEASE play this game with me.

Fri, 07 Jan 2005 04:19:28 GMT

Okay, it's been a million and a half years, but here I am. I was hopelessly looking through old friends' journals and missing old connections endlessly and I found this survey in Josh Ely's memories file that I posted on my livejournal when I was 15 years old and I got to thinking---how have I changed? Will anyone respond to this? (And I also wanted to add a couple of questions to the end of the survey too.) If you want to see the original survey, (I'm not sure who would care that much--but anyway) go to freefallin 's memories.

Moving right along, I would appreciate answers to these--please satisfy my curiosity. If you want, I will respond back to you by attempting to answer the questions for you. This could be fun. Chances are, I miss you. This is my way of looking back. I feel oh-so-nostalgic. Please no mean people, though---I don't accept them. But anyone else--anonymous and all---Let's play this game.
_____________________________________________________
Am I nice?
Am I weird?
If you are a guy, would you date me?
Am I smart?
Am I funny?
Am I psycho?
Do you think that I am pretty/hott/ok/cute/ugly? Any other word you need to describe me?
How well do you know me?
When is my birthday?
How old am I?
Who am I dating/with now?
Have I ever drank?
Have I ever done drugs?
Do I smoke?
Have I ever had sex?
What sports do I play?
Who is my best friend(s)?
What song reminds you of me?
What do you think I should be when I grow up?
What movie star/celebrity do I look like?

My added questions:
Have you ever missed me? (I have probably missed you)
Have I changed much since I was 15?
What is your favorite memory of me (or of an activity that we partook in?)
Is there anything that you want/need to tell me that you never got the chance to?

________________________________________________________________________
Anyway, I hope someone will play this game with me (If not, I will simply disappear again for a few more years)
Love, Marie.

Tue, 01 Apr 2003 23:15:28 GMT

these colors you see were picked in advance by some careful hand with an absolute concept of beauty

i came here for closure.
i don't need this anymore.
i won't delete the memories
but i don't want to make anymore.

now i know a disease that the doctors can't treat, you get trapped on the day you accept all you see

i might occasionally drop by for visits.
but for the most part i'm going to let it slip away
because i can't give these pieces away anymore.
there are other things in my life now.

a set of green eyes
replaced my need for this journal

so here are my goodbyes.

and these clocks keep on winding and completely ignore everything that we hate or adore

Sun, 23 Feb 2003 17:54:27 GMT

i've given all i can

sometimes i feel like i can't do anything right
i'm just so so so tired.

i've given all i can it's not enough i've given all I can

phew, for a minute there, i lost myself, i lost myself

Tue, 18 Feb 2003 23:28:45 GMT

why'd you have to be so nice, a wink and a girlish smile...

Mmm....a belly full of warmth topped off with NEW! 98% fat free Breyers vanilla ice cream.
no, not frozen yogurt, not icy unbliss, but full fluffy creamy creamy ice cream bliss.
90 calories a serving. not bad. not bad at all.

what can i say, it was a good day. and i'm so yummy-ly full. perfect fullness. a happy tummy.

so what did i do today? nothing. hah.
flirted with my boyfriend. smiled.
all in all, i just felt like myself.

i didn't wear much make-up. a big warm sweatshirt. my hair pulled back.
and i felt like me.
what could be better.

and that ice cream. i swear. bliss.

that was something....

Mon, 17 Feb 2003 18:40:34 GMT

your heart is red.

marie's heart is alive.

your heart is alive.

bunny ears and latex gloves

Sun, 16 Feb 2003 16:34:18 GMT

so we went to the mall
we ate pizza and walked around for hours
i bought a book and he got 2 cds
then we still had hours to blow before
"Just Married" came on and
we had already been in
the cd store the book store the doll shop spencer's gadzooks
profits (out of lack of something to do and in order to use the escalator)
taken two strips of instant pictures
and american eagle
(in order to loiter on the big fluffy leather couches by the shoes)
and i had the bright idea to go buy some $1 glasses
at the dollar tree and take some more pictures

we got in there and i found him a pair of bunny ears
(he looked so prettie in pink bunny ears)
and then he thought it'd be funny to wear yellow latex gloves
and hold hands
so i got the bunny ears and the gloves and we put them on
it was funny because the gloves were all left-handed gloves
so we looked silly and deformed
and we ran into Manda and Eric again and they stood around with us awhile
then we went our different directions
and my boy and i went down to the movie theatre
and sat on the benches and watched the people
and they watched us

we took another strip of pictures
then we went to see our teen movie
for the heck of it

and we had fun

Fri, 14 Feb 2003 02:27:58 GMT

my beloved monster and me
we go everywhere together
wearing a raincoat that has four sleeves
gets us through all kinda of weather

happy happy happy valentine's day tomorrow.

he will always be the only thing
that comes between me and the awful sting
of a world that's so damn mean

Tue, 11 Feb 2003 17:03:27 GMT

and you, you drift though the years and life seems strange

Today will be a good day, I can feel it already.
Even though that poor ladybug is dead in my windowsill.

then one dream appears and love is it's name...

But at least she didn't die all shriveled up
she had outstretched wings
like she was looking for the sky.

oh you, you only live twice
or so it says, one life for yourself, one for your dream

Sun, 09 Feb 2003 02:43:46 GMT

i've always been disturbed by
the suicidal tendencies
of ladybugs
and overhead lights

really though, it might help you understand....

Fri, 07 Feb 2003 20:12:20 GMT

Only a week until Valentine's Day. And then two days after that it's our 5 month anniversary.

and if your breath to you is worth saving, you better start swimming or you'll sink like a stone, oh the times they are a-changin...

Anyway, the recent spur of shared memories has left me feeling a bit of bitter sweet melancholy and I can't help remembering my high school years....
I remember turning 14 and my friends were mostly seniors that year and they adopted Meghan and I and they used to laugh at my innocence and tell me..."if only you were a couple years older..." and I remember that's always what the guys said too and I always thought the seniors were the prettiest. I remember Lizette didn't know that she would be moving in less than a year and we would talk about guys every day in gym class 7th period. And everything was easygoing and I laughed every 10 seconds because life was just that good. And I was afraid to play a solo in band class so Sheena played it with me because she was a senior and seniors knew everything. Keaton was in the talent show and I didn't know him but I knew I would someday. At the end of the year Lizo and I made a video and we took pictures with signs that said "Last day of school, freshman year" and I felt old when I watched a majority of my friends graduate and I didn't cry until later and I went to their graduation party and spent all summer with them.

Then I went back to school and I took a picture of Keaton because I was on yearbook staff and I knew. And he said I smiled at him and I had black hair and glasses. I was sad everyday but I carried a camera and so did he. And he got a girlfriend but I still knew. I didn't laugh every 10 seconds but I still smiled because I can't force a laugh but smiles are easy to fake. And in November Lizette moved away but we spent the Halloween football game together. And then I was really sad everyday and sometimes I didn't even force a smile but I tried to make new friends and Keaton still had a girlfriend. I still had gym class 7th period and we still talked about guys but Lizette was not there anymore and Keaton had a girlfriend. I met Luke and he loved God and I thought maybe it'd be easy for someone who loved God to love me but I knew it'd never work but Keaton still had a girlfriend. But the Luke thing never worked out and I met some more guys but then Keaton didn't have a girlfriend anymore and he was the one for me. So I'd leave SCA meetings early to see him and he'd wait for me after yearbook meetings and I made a video for Lee TV and I played the same solo in band again but this time Sheena couldn't play it with me because she was gone and the school year ended and I was glad.

Then I went to Governor's school and Keaton was there and I still knew and so did he but we never mentioned it. I fed him french fries and we got lost everyday on purpose. And we'd buy juice and he bought me dinner. And we talked on the phone and we went to see Signs.

Then I was happy to go back to school. Keaton was there and I had Lee TV and I turned 16 and Keaton brought me something and I still knew. And then we finally mentioned it 6 days later and we started dating and the clouds were my home and I was in the one act play and I thought we'd win and I went from a size 12 to a size 4 and 6 and everyone called me tiny and I'd never been called tiny and I got a new solo in band and I'm still afraid to play it but sometimes I like it and I feel funny because sometimes my belly sticks out a little and Keaton tells me not to be so hard on myself because my ribs stick out too and I have someone to say i love you to and I have someone who says it back and I mean it and I can feel my backbone and I don't usually mind homework because when it's finished I can talk to Keaton and sometimes I still see my old senior friends but I also have new senior friends but I haven't seen Lizette in months. And everything is ok and for the most part I'm happy and i feel lucky and I'm in love and this is what is should be to be 16.

oh the loser now will be later to win cause the times they are a-changin...

Fri, 07 Feb 2003 19:18:51 GMT

Just got finished with my 567 word short story for English about how oh so cool electrical cooperatives are. Earlier I wrote an essay on why the Populist party formed in 1892 and why it declined after the election of 1896. Then I answered a document based question in just short of a page and a half about how the Gilded Age was bad for the people of America because it ignored the problems that monopolies and trust created.

Now, all that's left is to work on my ballerina marionette and take some more pictures for my VICA occupational display and label all of the photography techniques. And do some more research on how art and chemistry are linked...

Sun, 02 Feb 2003 17:44:46 GMT

imagine me and you i do i think about you day and night it's only right

we went out to eat hamburgers yesterday
like we were old
and happy

i can't see me loving nobody but you for all my life
when you're with me baby the skies will be blue for all my life

he picks me up and spins me around in the air
like i'm nothing but a firefly

no matter how they toss the dice it had to be
the only on for me is you and you for me

and he lets me dance on his toes.

so happy together.

Sat, 01 Feb 2003 18:52:53 GMT

and i'm so sad

we used to be friends
i can't help but feel like this

everything is so far away now

i used to be like all these other people
but now i realize that i've changed
and it makes me so sad.

it could be wrong to feel like this.

a sorta fairytale with you

Fri, 24 Jan 2003 18:12:40 GMT

i knew a man bojangles and he danced for you in worn out shoes....

it can't be normal to have nightmare every night.
really.

it's ok to be uncool, tacky, or strange.
but i don't want to be mean.
ever.

Sun, 12 Jan 2003 17:39:02 GMT

You are something of a dinosaur on Livejournal, having been around for over 2 years.

my little livejournal and i have been through a lot together.
sometimes, though, i think i should say goodbye
but i can't part with the memories.

In short, you make good use of your Livejournal.

Stolen from Tabitha. but shortened slightly.

Thu, 09 Jan 2003 02:33:43 GMT

[ x ] Spell your first name backwards - eiram
[ x ] The story behind your lj user name - It's on the cover of Radiohead's OK Computer.
[ x ] Are you a lesbian - no.
[ x ] Where do you live - virginia.
[ x ] 4 words that sum you up - silly quirky little girl.

[ x ] In my mouth - a straw with milk and bubbles
[ x ] In my head - a phone call that's on it's way.
[ x ] Wishing - right now, i don't know what else i could wish for.
[ x ] After this -the phone call that's on it's way.
[ x ] Talking to - the phone will ring sometime soon....
[ x ] Eating - milk....does that count?
[ x ] If you could get away with it and murder anyone, who and for what reason -nah, i'd let everyone live.
[ x ] Person you wish you could see right now - yeah. there's someone. *blush blush*
[ x ] Some of your favorite movies -a big happy secret. *smiles*
[ x ] Something you're looking forward to in the upcoming month - well...next month is VALENTINE'S DAY!!!!!!
[ x ] The last thing you ate - a jona gold apple. yummy. yummy. yummy. my favorite.
[ x ] Something that you are deathly afraid of - anything invisible or things i can't see....therefore...the dark, cracks in doors, and the ocean.
[ x ] Do you like candles - nope. unless they are from a good friend. :)
[ x ] Do you like hot wax - not on my body. haha.
[ x ] Do you like incense - yeah.
[ x ] Do you like the taste of blood - nope.
[ x ] Do you believe in love - 100%
[ x ] Do you believe in soul mates - yes.
[ x ] Do you believe in love at first sight - i am a walking billboard.
[ x ] Do you believe in Heaven - yes.
[ x ] Do you believe in forgiveness - yes yes yes. but nobody else does.
[ x ] What do you want done with your body when you die - give it to people who can use it. Butcher me up, I don't care, if it'll help someone else.
[ x ] Who is your worst enemy - well...probably myself.
[ x ] if you could have any type of animal what would it be? - a cat. cat's are pretty and quiet and they give you a lot of space. space is good.
[ x ] What is the latest you've ever stayed up - 8 am I got home from prom in 9th grade....but I stayed up until 10 am that day.
[ x ] Ever been to Belgium - no but they have the best chocolate....isn't that Belgium?
[ x ] Can you eat with chopsticks - Yes, my Japanese students taught me last year and gave me a set.
[ x ] What's your favorite coin - pennies because they're copper and lucky and unloved.
[ x ] What are 5 cities you wouldn't mind relocating to - anywhere that I can be happy.
[ x ] What are some of your favorite pig out foods - pizza and chocolate.
[ x ] What's something that you wish people would understand - that i'm really afraid.
[ x ] What's something you wish you could understand better - the art of belly dancing.
[ x ] Anyone you miss that you haven't seen in a long time - the me that i used to be...it's been a long time since i've seen her. but, she's an old ghost.

Sun, 05 Jan 2003 02:11:43 GMT

the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.

wow. i suppose the second time that movie hit me harder for a reason.
that is one of the saddest and happiest stories i've ever seen
and honestly, it's one of the prettier movies i've ever seen.

i feel so desperately lonely tonight

i wish i had more time
time to get to know you all
time to smile and giggle
time to give hugs
time for friends
and time for memories

it makes me sad that i have neglected so many things.

Fri, 03 Jan 2003 01:49:11 GMT

a man was telling me about art
when you get a blank canvas, it has no problems
but with the first mark, you create a problem
and you work until all the problems are solved
then it is complete

without problems
it is an empty canvas life

but with them
it is something only one shade short of a masterpiece

Thu, 26 Dec 2002 16:08:09 GMT

at least you can't be a vegetable, because even an artichoke has a heart

merry christmas everyone.
life is very beautiful. i'm so happiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.